20 Years of Strangers Looking into Each Other's Eyes

count my blessings and my thumbs

2009-11-27T00:24:00.004-05:00

it's hard to remember days
mornings lost in a chronic haze
breath is fast and the trains are slow
i barely feel it though
all day long I fantasize
in the dark, behind all the people's eyes
and when they disappear
words get lost in the atmosphere

*

Untitled (Hanging Woman), 1992
i fucking love Kiki Smith, i don't care how gimmicky or un-legit or whatever else people have to say about her
i find her work incredibly emotionally charged -- evocative, raw sentimentality like bleeding vulnerability, sometimes in such a gentle way that some others might overexert themselves in order to come close
i think she was teaching at Columbia while i was there, but alas, our paths did not cross, and probably with good reason, i don't i would've taken any of her classes anyway

maybe it was just this show -- i saw her "Kiki Smith: A Gathering, 1980-2005" exhibit at the Whitney Museum in early 2007, shortly before i went insane for the second time
maybe i was just vulnerable then~
but i knew i felt something when i spotted this

Blue Girl, 1998, silicon bronze installation
in the paper, i knew it was something i had to see for myself

Untitled, 1992, beeswax, cheesecloth, wood and pigment
on the back of this figure were two sets of nearly identical claw marks curving symmetrically downward from the spine, like painful negations of wings or bloody rainbows
they weren't overwhelming in size, but the depth and red colour which filled the jagged ridges elicited quite a response (probably their desired response in 98% of viewers)
i stood there in front (well, in back) of the figure, sort of frozen in parallel fascination and horror, paralyzed by an intense impulse to run my own fingers along those marks and dig in, to do that on someone else's body and to know what it feels like on mine

Untitled III (Upside Down Body With Beads), 1993, white bronze, glass beads and wire installation
it's good to know that sometimes i don't pay attention to possible controversy or cachet~ or status, and that i'm not always such a stubborn little bugger about resisting hype -- i honestly have no idea where Kiki Smith stands in the vast contemporary pantheon -- that sometimes i can just like something because i connect with it and it's honest and simple and soothing and strangely familiar
for me, art is something that should connect people with themselves and with one another, that should elicit pathos and fruitful contemplation of those elusive skeins of feeling and remembrance buried deep within ourselves beneath the debris of the quotidian and burden of the mundane, which enmesh us in the vitality and possibilities of The Common Human Experience...in this vast, disparate expanse of existence, so often cruel, brutal, heartless, cold...i really want to appreciate any sort of phenomena and sensory experiences that unite us, that remind us that we are after all flesh and blood relatives, that we all feel pain and loss and disappointment, that beauty in whatever form does inexplicable wonders (even though it can hurt us and set us back at the same time, and that is what critique and progress are for), that in the end, it's not bad to help another human being and choose kindness over okay yeah i'm falling asleep here i should probably practice what i preach a little bit but nah that's not fun~ ;P

Sainte Genevieve, 1999, ink on Nepal paper, 95 x 70 inches
i realize that i come from a privileged point of view, but i no longer feel as though guilt and apology are a necessary response; instead, all i will do is recognize it, understand some of its implications within wider contexts, and then resolve to do whatever good i can while enjoying myself and y'know, just doin' ma thang~

plus there can be something incredibly inventive and sexy about friction and destructive impulses, if one does it right; not everything has to be honey and caramel kisses (eugh cringe)
i guess i just wanted to ramble back there, and boy am i a hypocrite for criticizing Gertrude Stein! yes i am enjoying her book after all, i'm sure everybody is shocked~*~!!

Near, 2005
i don't use periods very often in my entries; i feel as though they are too definitive, a terminus for which i am never quite ready because i like to leave things open and my thoughts dangling, and lately i've been hesitant to leave text hanging in the middle of a line because the empty space looks cold and unprotected, and that isn't fair when i'm always huddled in a cushy sweatshirt or blanket, but eh, can't fix everything~

i don't want to make art that is naïve, at least not without a sensible distance and understanding, perhaps even (dare i say it!?) a mastery of that naïveté -- i understand that there are certain risks artists must take, which put them in positions for ridicule and belittlement (wow didn't know that was a word), and i think one of my principal objectives right now is to work on developing a thick skin and a sense of self not so that i may avoid those things necessarily but so that i will be prepared to meet them and to learn from them, to take them in stride and absorb them in such a way that they might inform and improve my practice rather than impinge my creative impulses and drive to produce work
i think my paintings are pretty right now, and i like that, but it's not enough, not even close
i'm glad i have the ability to make things that people like and which bring people joy...but would it be too presumptuous of me (HAHAHAHAHA) to find that empty and unsatisfying

"Surrealism is never having to say you're Surrey."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hand-in-hand with someone else

2009-11-16T15:21:00.001-05:00

♥ ReSpekt

walk on mighty reds

2009-10-25T14:24:00.003-04:00

Liverpool 2-0 Man Utd

fuck yeahhhh

hahaha

plastic dance break

2009-09-03T13:49:00.002-04:00

teehee

"Beauty will be convulsive or will not be at all."
-- André Breton

barring the obnoxious yelling at the beginning, i am deliciously enamoured of this song (as i am of many things in life, lucky me!), and i find the video really interesting in an "i never expect manufactured pop products to carry any semblance of depth or thought" kind of way. i mean yes, there are the generically attractive dancer girl side items, the outrageously over-the-top outfits and sets, production value blah blah...but something really struck me with the apple core bit :>

haha i don't know, maybe i just really like apples? (i do) i found something strangely dystopian and (dare i say it?) biblical about the incorporation of apples into this conceptual landscape~ (lol @ my pathetic attempt to be ~academic~ about a freaking g-dragon music video hahahurrrineedajob). i mean we've got the ~tree of life~ conspicuously installed in the background of the first set, and it appears as though all the 'fruits' have fallen, as there are cans scattered all around the foreground -- and they're in cans! for chrissakes! mass-manufactured, prepackaged ooo0o0oh now we're getting into it! ~social commentary~ what what. so he's surrounded by these unnatural substitutes, and as the scene progresses we see that they do not even contain their supposed product, but merely cores -- used, spent, the detritus of what once was new and fresh and whole. the cores are preserved in a liquid (formaldehyde? haha i just like that word), and one of the ~~fembots~~ generic girls takes one and makes a move as if to consume it, as though it were an acceptable product for consumption (scathing critique of the music industry much? hmm...). g-d later takes a drink from a can, but he seems dissatisfied, resigned. cue obligatory dance break with sub-par choreography (but hey give the kid a break, he's not a professional choreographer and is doing everything himself)...

in the next scene, we see what i'm going to call a 'transitional' atmosphere -- camera tracking him through a tunnel of sorts composed of a large billowing white sheet, illuminated with bright, blinking colours. the words "Andy Warhol's Exploding Plastic Inevitable" pop into my mind, but i never did that reading for 20th-century Art and therefore haven't a clue as to what that looked like, haha. in any case, it reminds me of a womb, as though he were traveling through something organic in search of the pure, the natural...and oh look! he's holding a real apple! progress already. and another crazy dance break with happily ridiculous outfits to match.

whatever, i can't be arsed to finish commentating on the rest of the video (and oh how the world will suffer). suffice it to say that there are more apples (fresh-looking but all bitten! eve must've been feeling territorial that day), and our platinum-topped hero finally picks one and gets his fresh-faced girl after battering down a brick wall ~oh emotional barriers oh~. *snickers* yeah, okay. suddenly i feel incredibly silly having written this much about close to nothing. maybe i should eat an apple for good measure.

it occurred to me that i might want to look up the lyrics, as i have absolutely no idea what the song is about save for the english bits (obvi), but if those are any indication, i'm willing to bet that it's the standard pop formula of lovey dovey this and brokenhearted that without any true deviation into individual experience. y'know, which i'm fine with because it sounds good :) but i thought it'd be even more fun to mix my half-assed ~academic analysis with blissful unawareness, because that appears to be what i'm all about! \o/

slow dancing

2009-08-12T01:57:00.002-04:00

a powerful and provocative reminder of the communicative abilities of dance and choreography
lol i don't even care that it's a john mayer song; i think it's damn good

nothing comes to my mind

2009-08-11T04:24:00.002-04:00

insomniac ;]

[ ]

2009-08-10T03:27:00.001-04:00

...♥

[track available here]

fading

2009-08-06T23:23:00.002-04:00

don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself
this love's too good to last
and I'm too old to dream

don't grow up too fast
and don't embrace the past
this life's too good to last
and I'm too young to care

don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself
this life could be the last
and we're too young to see
where did this summer go?

Currently reading:

coming up for air

2009-06-03T02:19:00.006-04:00

Placebo have taken over my earwaves.

...and I like it that way.

Marilyn Minter is the matriarch of squeamishness amidst the excesses of glitz & glamour, of luxury & decadence gone awry. I love it.

Marilyn Minter, Soiled, 2000
C-print
86 x 60 inches

[track available here]

- - - - -

Recently watched films:
Secretary
The Machinist
The Darjeeling Limited

Currently reading:

sing your melody

2009-05-27T02:18:00.006-04:00

an excellent recommendation by felipe:

Once, John Carney, 2006.

no me siento nada

2009-05-26T20:29:00.005-04:00

Maria Full of Grace, Joshua Marston, 2004. Subtitled.

Stream it here | Download it here [FLV, decent quality]

i wish i was the hunter

2009-05-25T18:56:00.002-04:00

be prepared to meet him

2009-05-24T01:44:00.004-04:00

watching this now as i paint [download or stream here]

and now i want to watch this:

- - - - -

[track available here]

protect me from what i admire, desire

2009-05-22T22:59:00.009-04:00

so finally made my pilgrimage to a not-so-holy land, the Whitney Museum, in time for the Jenny Holzer show, "PROTECT PROTECT" (among other things)!

a cursory recap, because that's the only kind i have the discipline to do:

Jenny Holzer, "For Chicago," 2008, at the Whitney Museum of American Art, NY

Jenny Holzer: i really didn't/don't know anything about her, except that apparently she likes to do politically engaged/charged work. she incorporates text into many of her pieces, which i enjoy, and in this latest installment (and perhaps in others, i don't know; like i said, i'm not familiar with her œuvre), she'd appropriated previously classified documents from US military intelligence and chopped them up and reconfigured them. alternating between scrolling blinking LED marquees (so mesmerizing and really cool!) and mounted blowups-cum-'canvases', she displays bits and pieces of these documents to reveal...well, you get the point. stuff we civilians~ don't normally get to see or think about. i stood at the scrolling tunnel for quite awhile, reading its narrative and just...feeling at once entranced and appalled by what i saw, what i was reading:

Installation view of Jenny Holzer: PROTECT PROTECT (March 12, 2008 – May 31, 2009) at the Whitney Museum of American Art, NY, ©2009 Jenny Holzer

[photos from here and here]

the NY Times tells a better story than i, obvi: Sounding the Alarm, in Words and Light

Claes Oldenburg: -deflates-

Claes Oldenburg and Coosje van Bruggen, "Soft Viola," 2002

ok ok, all jokes aside, i was a little disappointed. i don't know what i was expecting, but apparently something...with grandeur. with stated sophistication, and...elegance? i don't know why. again, i am wholly unfamiliar with Oldenburg's work, save for that slide of the plaster burger or what have you that was subsequently photographed and ~made an art all its own~...hahaha. *eyeroll* but i'll just chalk it up to my own lack of knowledge regarding this particular artist's work, his legacy and influence etc etc. i did enjoy his drawings and sketches that were on display -- a sampling of which can be found here: Jill Krementz Photo Journal - Oldenburg & van Bruggen

Claes Oldenburg, "Giant BLT (Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato Sandwich)," 1963

"Photoconceptualism 1966-1973": i was really pleased! :D

Bruce Naumann, "Waxing Hot," 1966

saw a lovely sampling of Bruce Naumann's photos, a playful selection in which he explored puns and dallied in muted, whimsical colours. very much my thing on some days. i don't know, photography's a tricky area for me to navigate, but i guess that's just cuz i'm a fickle pickle.

Mel Bochner, "Photographs 1966-1969," 1966-69

also spied an interesting series by Mel Bochner, who took a piece of glass and alternately smeared Vaseline and shaving creme on it and hired a photographer out of the phone book to photograph them in "a way that makes it beautiful" -- i was very tickled by this, as there's something decidedly Duchampian about having someone else do the actual photographing and then signing your name to a work. they turned out well.

and surprise of surprises, what did i spy sandwiched between a Dan Graham (ugh) and a Wegman (??) but a couple of Gordon Matta-Clark's Thresholes! *eyes glaze over* awww, truly a lovely little treat, brought memories of Rosalyn Deutsche's class flooding back. and then i thought about what a tragedy it is that he died so young, and that of course brought Ana Mendieta to mind, and i grew rather somber and downcast. but no matter; i drafted a note to Professor Deutsche in my little red notebook, and i also drew up a list of artists to Wikipedia. yes, i do use that as a verb. and you can too!

- - - - -

browsing Picture Postcard, saw this:

Marilyn Minter, "Little Egypt" (detail), 2002

took my breath away.

you have gone and dreamt them dry

2009-05-16T01:01:00.007-04:00

mmmmmm. this is my new love song to myself.
i'm only going to be 23 once. what if i fuck it up?

- - - - -

United won the league. Again.
They've now tied us for 18 titles.
And I'm also out of a job.

Music isn't going to fix this, but it can't hurt.

New acquisition:

Logic is a complication. Logic is always wrong. It draws the threads of notions, words, in their formal exterior, toward illusory ends and centers. Its chains kill, it is an enormous centipede stifling independence. Married to logic, art would live in incest, swallowing, engulfing its own tail, still part of its own body, fornicating within itself, and passion would become a nightmare tarred with protestantism, a monument, a heap of ponderous gray entrails.
[ Tristan Tzara ]

when your mind is your might

2009-05-10T08:37:00.008-04:00

so when you go solo you hold your own hand
and remember that depth is the greatest of heights
so if you know where you stand
then you'll know where to land
and if you fall it won't matter
cuz you'll know that you're right

don't worry so much about making it new
worry about making it true
and real

worry about that.

art must be neither realistic nor idealistic, it must be true;
and by this [i mean] above all that any imitation of nature,
however concealed, is a lie.
-- Alexander Archipenko

i worry about it.

seduction dances hour by hour

2009-05-08T03:29:00.009-04:00

"One must be drunk always," wrote Charles Baudelaire. "If you would not feel the horrible burden of Time that breaks your shoulders and bows you to the earth, you must intoxicate yourself unceasingly. But with what? With wine, poetry, or with virtue, your choice. But intoxicate yourself."

the only bohemia to be enjoyed
would be a self-made one
inasmuch as one can and does 'make oneself'
in a world in which originality is a rapidly dissipating illusion
we are—everything is—quotation
we lift emotion from poetry and song
because it fulfills a double act of consumption as well as expression
we are told by cinema and advertisement what to covet
and how to mistake it for necessity
i sometimes wonder if everything has not already hardened to artifice
i sometimes worry that i am always being lied to

I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand, and NO onto my right palm, what can I say, it hasn't made life wonderful, it's made life possible, when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO, when I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO, I signify "book" by peeling open my clapped hands, every book, for me, is the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one, especially this one. Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

"My insides don't match up with my outsides." "Does anybody's insides and outsides match up?" "I don't know. I'm only me." "Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside."

[ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close ]

delirium.

i already know where i want my ashes scattered;
nobody can accuse me of lacking foresight

- - - - -

Our cult of death is also a cult of life in the same
way that love is a hunger for life and a longing for death.
Our fondness for self-destruction derives not from
our masochistic tendencies but also from a certain variety
of religious emotion.

-- Octavio Paz, as quoted in Ana Mendieta's unpublished notes

mortality is an awesome power
and i am humbled

terrified.

break my fall

2009-05-04T21:10:00.004-04:00

well, this'll certainly give me more time to ~create~ hur hur hurrr

maybe now i'll really get to be the 'starving artist' i'd always dreamt of. haha. ha.

tumult

2009-05-03T20:13:00.010-04:00

i miss painting and being by the ocean
i shouldn't compromise, censor, or limit myself for anyone
i wonder what my life would be like now had i gone to pont aven
or berlin

f said he might be here by october
we'll see

schwein flu

2009-05-01T00:45:00.006-04:00

i don't think anybody will get it but whateva~

HAPPY MAY DAY!
Everybody Sing Along

because it didn't fit on twitter

2009-04-29T10:04:00.005-04:00

(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603): Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

this is so goddamn addicting

(760): can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
(760): oh geez, wrong person.

(301): if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

(586): Porn is love you can see.

(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

lmao

Edit: HOshit -- they're on Twitter too!

OH MY GOD

2009-04-28T12:34:00.010-04:00

SUNDAY June 7th 2009
BALKAN BEAT BOX @ The Bell House
7:30pm $25 21+

UM YES PLEASE
Ok this pretty much redeems all of this blasted month. Oh, also getting my apartment, haha. WOO!

just waiting 'til the shine wears off

2009-04-27T23:32:00.004-04:00

rookie mistake. i hate this miserable goddamn month.

next year, i will do it better.
next time, i will do it right.

whatever, this is hilarious

P.S. Thanks for the link EK

big fish

2009-04-26T00:40:00.008-04:00

haha i feel like such a tool for liking this song
cuz i mean, it's freaking Coldplay ffs
but i've listened to it maybe 293871490 times today
(ok more like nine – thanks last.fm!)
idunno, ever since i heard it at the Grammys
it's been floating in the back of my head
this and "Love Lockdown"
which i played obsessively for a coupla days
i don't know what it is about those damn Grammys
good thing i only watched five minutes
or else who knows WHERE the hell my music interests would be
just kidding who cares

...alright make that ~~ten~~ eleven.

ugh, way to blow a freaking 2-goal lead, you idiots
thanks for NOTHING.

NYTimes: Students Fall Ill in New York, and Swine Flu Is Likely Cause

ruh roh.

in unrelated news, i wish people would quit bugging me about when are you moving huh have you moved yet are you all moved in when's that gonna be huh huh huhh?!?qpo;sadlfjaoweijalksj???

IT'LL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS

P.S. This is the best book I've read in a very long time:

never forgotten

2009-04-15T11:16:00.008-04:00

today marks the 20th anniversary
of the hillsborough disaster
on 15 april, 1989
96 Liverpool FC fans died
at the FA Cup semi-final against Nottingham Forest

It remains the largest stadium-related disaster
in British football history.

over the years, the incident has been misreported
and the memory of the victims tarnished
but no matter
we will never forget the men, women, and children
who went to a game to support their beloved club
and never came home

JFT96 ♥ YNWA

NYTimes: Keeping Alive the Day That Soccer Died

slow dance

2009-04-14T09:48:00.007-04:00

it's like being at the circus
but slightly cleaner

everyone takes better pictures than i do
but that's okay

i'm considering shipping my tweets here
but probably nah

so you can't hold a star in your hand though

2009-04-12T22:59:00.010-04:00

the view from my rooftop:

[click]

[homg]

[whaaaat]

[hello]
:)

never gonna stop looping this

so much for the light show

2009-04-09T22:05:00.006-04:00

looped this song for about a week
~~before tragedy struck~~ it's a really good song
~~am actually considering purchasing their album(s?)~~ lol n/m
new one drops the 14th
idk, who even buys music anymore?
(oh wait, i just did this week...)
but torrents (butt torrents? ew) are so much more um FREE

anyway who cares this is fantastic and they're also on Twitter!

one letter away

2009-04-08T23:39:00.006-04:00

dig it

The Cruelest Month

2009-04-01T09:42:00.003-04:00

April Fool
© Marilyn Manson

one of my favourite paintings

via my dear friend, Helen

white noise

2009-03-31T21:38:00.003-04:00

aww :)

to be a rock and not to roll

2009-03-24T09:19:00.001-04:00

:]

try to relax.

see me crawling up

2009-02-19T14:19:00.002-05:00

so goddamn catchy
i haven't stopped watching/listening to this all afternoon
enes i hate you

:|

2009-01-27T23:50:00.008-05:00

i don't know what has gotten into me lately
but gosh
this is the most romantic piece of music i've come across in awhile

it's probably because i want it to be

drew a new face and laughed

2009-01-22T11:41:00.002-05:00

this song makes me incredibly, unspeakably happy this week :]

electrify my life

2008-12-17T01:24:00.008-05:00

love it love it love it love it love it.

♥

rights and lefts

2008-12-16T12:58:00.003-05:00

THE VERDICT

The Abortion Wars Get Technical

Women have few rights at all when doctors can legally misinform them or deny service entirely.

By Dahlia Lithwick | NEWSWEEK

Published Dec 6, 2008

From the magazine issue dated Dec 15, 2008

Manoocher Deghati / AFP-Getty Images

Under a new regulation poised to become law any day now, any health-care worker may refuse to perform procedures, offer advice or dispense prescriptions--like the morning after pills pictured here--if doing so would offend their 'religious beliefs or moral convictions'

What does it tell us about the state of the wars, that battles once waged over the dignity and autonomy of pregnant women have morphed into disputes over the dignity and autonomy of their health-care providers? Two of the most pitched battles over reproductive rights in America today turn on whether health workers can be forced to provide medical services or information to which they ethically object. But as we learn from these fights, our solicitude for the beliefs of medical workers is selective: abortion opponents will soon enjoy broader legal protections than ever. Those willing to provide abortions, on the other hand, will enjoy far fewer. And women seeking reproductive services will be more caught up than ever in the tangle between the two.

The first dispute concerns a new rule purporting to protect the "right of conscience" of American health-care workers. Under a new midnight regulation crammed through by the Bush Department of Health and Human Services and poised to become law any day now, any health-care worker may refuse to perform procedures, offer advice or dispense prescriptions, if doing so would offend their "religious beliefs or moral convictions." Congress has protected the right of physicians to opt out of providing abortions for decades. This new rule, which President-elect Obama can overturn (although it may take months), is far broader. It allows one's access to , emergency contraception and even artificial insemination to turn on the moral preferences of a pharmacist, nurse or ambulance driver.

The second dispute involves a law that went into effect last summer after an appeals court lifted a preliminary injunction. The law requires physicians providing abortions to read from a state-mandated script advising the patient that she is about to "terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being" with whom she has an "existing relationship." The doctor must have her patient sign each page of a form indicating that she has been warned of the "statistically significant" risks of the procedure, including "increased risk of suicide ideation and suicide." These "risks" are almost completely unsupported by the scientific literature. A new comprehensive study released by Johns Hopkins found "no significant differences in long-term mental health between women in the United States who choose to terminate a pregnancy and those who do not." The disparity between the empirical data and the mandatory script thus forces physicians into a Hobson's choice between providing patients with accurate medical information, and possible license suspension and misdemeanor charges.

Reading the new HHS regulations together with the mandatory South Dakota "script," one can only conclude that those same health providers who cannot be compelled to perform an abortion may nevertheless be compelled to deliver misinformation about it. The freedom and autonomy of doctors who oppose abortion are protected by law. But those willing to provide abortions can be forced to deliver a state message with which they completely disagree. Both the HHS's right-of-conscience rules and the South Dakota script purport to clarify the complex legal relationship between health provider and patient, but each instead confuses and obfuscates settled law. The HHS rule, as written, is so ambiguous that nobody can say for certain which health-care workers or medical procedures are covered, beyond establishing that both categories are broadly expanded beyond those protected by existing right-of-conscience laws. The rule even fails to define abortion, leaving open the possibility that anyone who thinks birth control is abortion may decline to dispense it, turning every visit to the ER or the pharmacy into a spin of the constitutional roulette wheel.

A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine similarly blasts the South Dakota script for introducing novel and confusing legal language about "human beings," "constitutional rights" and "relationships" into a medical conversation between doctor and patient, concluding that these words are there "to intimidate pregnant women with vaguely described and legal-sounding consequences."

Almost completely missing from this fascinating legislative discussion of what health workers might be forced to do and say with respect to reproductive rights are the reproductive rights themselves. Whether we like it or not, the right to birth control, emergency contraception and—under most circumstances—abortion is still constitutionally protected. But these are not services a woman can provide for herself, which leaves her with few rights at all when her doctors are empowered by law to misinform her, withhold advice or deny services altogether. Even beyond the problem of subordinating a woman's rights to her doctor, however, there looms a larger question for health-care workers themselves: if they are indeed seeing their rights and freedoms either hugely expanded or severely restricted based solely on which side they've chosen in the culture wars, they might properly wonder whether any of them are truly free at all.

Lithwick is a NEWSWEEK contributing editor and a senior writer for Slate. A version of this column also appears on Slate.com.

and it's ironic too

2008-11-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

if i could live within any one song/video,
it would be this one:

another by Jem:

a better version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kHNXpj54Jo

i'm not sure why they keep making videos for '24' with footage from 'ultraviolet'
i guess her song was on the soundtrack

whatever, i'm hooked

the book of love

2008-11-11T10:20:00.002-05:00

amazing.

jambo absinthedisco!

2008-10-28T19:05:00.000-04:00

i'm kind of obsessed with my photostream

but more importantly, with kate's

my pictures aren't that good, i'm aware
but i really like some of them
especially from the Berlin set
i kind of think i should've brought my shitty point 'n' shoot to China
oh well

opportunity is not a lengthy visitor

2008-10-28T10:51:00.000-04:00

so my mother informs me that i've been offered a position to teach English at Suzhou University (which they've spelled "Soochow," ew) for a year starting next summer.

...

um

!!!!!!

obviously, i haven't poured over the pros and cons and what have you, but at this point, i'm pretty sure i'm going to take it. especially considering that it's no walk in the park for recent grads to land decent jobs.

then again, not that i've been trying...

beautiful dirty rich

2008-10-24T07:53:00.001-04:00

none of which actually describe me. which is fine.

i am enjoying Lady Gaga's debut album, "The Fame", even though it's totes not anywhere near "my type" of music. but then i tried to think what my type was and couldn't come up with anything. if you would like to synthesize some sort of folksy singer-songwritery gypsy-punk-cabarety dancy spanishy...yeah i'm just gonna leave it at that. the album is good. catchy pop for sure, but with a little extra pizzazz, i guess? i suck at writing about music, but here's a video to make up for it:

love this bish.

i just realized that i've been taking hayley duff and ashley tisdale to be the same person. whatever; i think their faces look similar enough, as do their careers-ish? dun care.

this guy is hilarious:

so i've been in china for a week. it's been nice...mainly just chillin' at my uncle's house, sitting at my computer 24/7. haha, so worth the 98148923-mile trip. but no, honestly, i'm enjoying spending time with family that i only get to see every couple of years. i think it's pretty unanimously agreed upon that i should visit more often, and i would like that myself. maybe i'll bring a coupla friends with me next summer or winter for christmas break. of course, then i'd have to go out and do touristy stuff. urgh.

Communist Bloc(k) Party

2008-10-17T06:08:00.000-04:00

Ummm so am currently in the biggest Red State in the world. They've blocked Live Journal (haha, yes, I am still an emo middle schooler), and so I've had to resort to Blogger...um, no offense, I guess?

Well whatever. 'Tis my first foray into the colourful landscape of censorship. A strange sensation, but hell if they'll keep me from having fun :D

Hodge Podge Is Better:

- couldn't get wireless on the flight after all (Delta only offers wireless on domestic flights...starting in 2009), sooo have been spending the past few torturous days in the dark regarding international matches (well ok I know the England match result, but Corrine made me promise not to look up anything else...and i won't; i don't wanna be spoiled)

- lady across the aisle from us gets the Worst Parent To Ever Set Foot On An Aircraft award: two whiny, crying children whom she alternately neglected throughout the flight, and whose stinky diapers she insisted on changing right in their seats. yup. right there in the cabin. delicious.

- watched three movies: Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day, In Bruges, and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. in a row. plus a few tv shows. yay inflight entertainment!

- got my first ever facial, which was cool, i guess. except some of the um cleansing moisturizing exfoliating minty fresh drippy magic elixir leaked into my eye, which was definitely NOT cool. but whatevs, my face feels better. oh, and the lady shaved my eyebrows. um, wtf?! ugh, i thought she would use wax or tweezers. but also, not a disaster (thank god).

- at the beauty parlour, they set my mum's eyes on fire. well ok, on top of a towel and another uhh pretty strong layer of something, obvi, but it was an eye treatment for her undereye bags. hee, it was actually pretty cool; wish i'd brought my camera.

- GOT AN ENGLAND SHIRT!!! :D :D :D umm, not sure where exactly it fits in the catalogue, since their home shirt is white and away is red. *shrug* who cares, it's awesome, i love it, i'm wearing it now, i love it i love it and did i mention i love it??!

- my uncle totes denied the whole scandal about that gymnast being underage at the lolympics. heh heh. well i don't even know the whole deal, but i'm pretty sure it was true. i really don't give a shit about the lolympics, but they sure made alotta merchandise!

- my cousin has class six days a week!! D: she had a test this morning (Saturday). and she said some of the more competitive schools make their students go a full seven days. unbelievable. hay remember when college was always 3-day weekends? that was the life.

- mosquitoes are eating me alive

Ok so I've actually found a way around the LJ block, but I thought it would be nice to post on here, since I rarely ever do anymore. "Rarely ever do anymore"? Does that sound right to you?

Interesting

2008-10-10T22:58:00.000-04:00

More at ljsecret

unsuspecting idol

2008-07-27T01:31:00.000-04:00

i secretly fangirl this blogger, who was in my painting class a coupla years ago and who is an infinitely sharper wit and more talented writer than yours truly. not that that's really saying much. plus, she was an english major.

i wish i had the guts to just up and move to alaska for awhile.

but i'm not a can-can dancer.
i'm just mopey.

Wish List!

2008-07-01T20:48:00.000-04:00

You'll Never Walk Alone Scarf

August can't come soon enough.

as needed.

2008-04-18T19:56:00.001-04:00

so i'm down with the "lather, rinse" part of the process...but does anyone actually "repeat"?

yesterday, i saw a unicyclist in riverside park! it was exciting, in a laidback way, and it made me glad that i chose to sit facing the walkway instead of the river.

chocolate hazelnut gelato by Ciao Bella is yummy. their sorbet, however, is chalky.

i can't wait 'til all this "Zomg I'm a senior!" shitstorm is over.

nice hat.

2008-04-10T00:34:00.000-04:00

man, i am so good at being (read: so frequently find myself as) the third wheel, i should start my own club. my third-wheelership. we could meet every wednesday to discuss new techniques of looking away casually at crucial moments.

also, i broke my diet for jo's birthday dinner party. it was worth it :)

but it's gonna cost ya...

2008-04-08T12:36:00.001-04:00

this is kind of awesome: Tibetan Protesters Scale Golden Gate Bridge
i also love that the torch was briefly put out during protests in Paris

ha ha ha.

Tactiles.

2008-03-02T14:49:00.000-05:00

So what's all this I hear about Scrabulous? I know some bloggers are already playing it, but I haven't had a chance to check it out myself.

Here's an article that says Hasbro and Mattel are threatening to shut it down cuz of piracy and what all.

I didn't know it had become such an addiction for some people -- one person says playing it keeps him in regular contact with his mother! But I'm glad people are latching onto something a little more...shall we say, 'wholesome'?...than most other hobbies (what am I talking about, I just think everyone gossips about Britney Spears and plays video games all the time). A similar thing is FreeRice.org.

Words and such. Nice! :)

- - - -

Also, this: Horrifying and Unnecessary.

Seriously? What the deuce.

an excellent idea!

2008-02-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

a reader's comment on this article:

My wife and I have often thought that the Food Network program, "Iron Chef", should feature an episode where the chefs create their fabulous meals while a 2 year old runs loose in the kitchen. Now that would be reality tv.

also, i could stare at this picture for hours:

no me gusta

2008-02-23T08:57:00.000-05:00

i really hate my job. my boss is wasting the government's money on stupid shit while people starve and freeze to death every day.

brief interruption

2008-02-20T22:00:00.000-05:00

Top 5 Favourite Albums of the Moment:

1. Transatlanticism [Death Cab For Cutie]
2. 11:11 [Regina Spektor]
3. Nightsongs LP [Stars]
4. Begin To Hope [Regina Spektor]
5. Houses of the Holy [Led Zeppelin]

Eye Spy

2008-02-11T23:58:00.001-05:00

Anybody else see the upper portion of a nude female torso in this picture? I'm not talking about the dress dummy.
Heh. My friend Mallory saw it; it's not just me!

- - - -

Also:

This is so much fun.

spinning from key to key

2008-02-09T04:11:00.000-05:00

why is the chapstick always across the room from where i am?

i've never been too good with secrets.

this is interesting.

New Englanders GTFO

2008-02-03T16:36:00.001-05:00

I actually really, really want the Giants to win. Who the fuck cares about New England!?

NOBODY.

- - - -

Edit: WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where the beginning and the end no longer rhyme

2008-02-01T01:47:00.001-05:00

if i close one eye and focus reeeally hard on (heh) the inside corner with my other one, i can just make out the blurry red outline of a spot of blood oozing out of a pimple i just popped right on the bridge of my nose. mmm. haha, bet you wish you hadn't read that.

sort of felt like revamping my list of things to do before i die:

- see the aurora borealis/australis (depending on the hemisphere i happen to be occupying at the time)
- attend a holi celebration (hindu colour festival), preferably in india
- dance in spring/summer rainstorms in a sarong and flower garlands; preferably with a friend or a small group of friends, and with music
- worship at a buddhist temple/monastery

- make something with my hands that i can be really proud of (e.g. a piece of furniture, pottery, or maybe something even more useful); try not to worry about how long it will "last" since everything is transient

- if i don't end up raising a child of my own, then i'd want to be a positive and hopefully lasting influence on at least one child

- read every book i want to read (oof)

- make a significant sacrifice

- become well-versed in political discourse and international current affairs; participate and make irrefutable arguments in a debate

- know my way around a wine cellar/liquor cabinet/fully-stocked bar :)

- do something for each of my parents that would make each profoundly happy and that nobody else could've/would've done for them

- acquire some fierce cooking skills; make a dazzling meal (appetizers to desserts) from scratch and throw a kickass dinner party

- really learn the meaning and value of family instead of just shrugging it off as an annoying inconvenience

oof, a lot of these sound bourgie, don't they. ah well, guess that's just how i roll (at least for the time being). i know, it's an embarrassing admission, but hey at least i'm being honest.

i really like thinking about death. of course, i'm operating under the notion that mine will arrive after a life generous in length and breadth and in a peaceful and merciful manner (maybe during an unexpected nap in a cushy chair while reading). uh, not sure if that's how it's gonna be (obv), but i sure hope so. i've never witnessed an actual death. i used to want to become a mortuary beautician. that would've been interesting to blog about, eh? but idunno, maybe i'll get decapitated in a freak water skiing accident like that actor dude's son, something o'neal. too lazy to look it up now. whatever the case, i just hope it's not drawn out and excruciating. i imagine being conscious of one's death as it occurs must be one of the most ghastly things one could ever experience.

and on that note, i'm off to bed. for a whole day of work tomorrow when i thought i didn't have to be going in at all this weekend. blurgh.

fooding fooding fooding

2008-01-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

i am going to regret putting that dyed scarf into my laundry. the colours ran rampant last time i washed it, but oh well; i really wanted to get that chocolate shit off. on a happier note, wednesday afternoon is an excellent time to do laundry!

but hey guys! how is everyone? i've finally started classes, and i LOVE them. had institutional critique (with my favourite professor!) and then postmodernism with another awesome professor yesterday; loved them both, cannot wait to start reading for them. then this morning, went to my michel foucault & the arts seminar, and the syllabus looks amazing for that as well (the reader cost $57 and weighs approximately as much as a small child, but it's got all the readings we need, so major ups to that). i'm also getting a really good vibe from the professor who, by the way, comes off as a cross between jeffrey tambor and louis black. awesome. he seems engaging enough and, though he rambles quite a bit (and i mean what did i expect, it's an entire course about foucault for fuck's sake), i feel as though he'll be able to keep our focus and heighten our understanding of the course material. one can only hope.

what are you all taking!?

side note: if you haven't already, you all should check out the Classico® brand vodka sauce. i find it deeeeelicious -- so creamy, but just the right consistency so as not to smother my pasta or coat my throat and make me want to vomit. i think i'm going to make grilled chicken penne alla vodka tomorrow. i would do it today, but i'd forgotten to buy pasta (aka i kind of want to wait for my mom to buy it for me at national wholesale, where it's cheaper, and then bring it to me at school when she comes around to fetch some stuff to bring home wow nobody really needs to hear about this, ugh). and SPEAKING of food, i went food shopping earlier and my basket was so heavy that i got a nosebleed from straightening up to lift it cuz i kept putting it on the ground. idunno, it was kind of embarrassing, but it also cleared my nasal passages, so...silver lining! but yeah, i must start exercising. i need more energy, and my hamstrings/everything else are really tight. i wish i could take pilates for dancers, cuz that really strengthened my back.

...

um, back to food: what are some other things i could make for dinner? i've lately fallen into a pattern of pita-hummus-baby spinach and/or premade mixed salad. of course, tuna out of the can is always a nice thing to throw in there. i've bought chicken breast to grill on the foreman (heh), but umm that's still not too much to work with. someone suggested zucchini and squash; i say too much work. cereal and milk or flatbread and yogurt are my fallback meals at all times. ugh, i'm so lazy.

count the headlights on the highway

2008-01-19T13:38:00.001-05:00

5 favourite movie moments (currently):

1. busride singalong (almost famous)

2. when time slows and camera holds its gaze on gwyneth paltrow after she gets off the bus, and then the music starts (the royal tenenbaums)

3. hugh grant saying "ooo can we call her chubby?" in that really high-pitched voice (love actually)

4. anytime emma thompson appears in the frame (stranger than fiction)

5. tie between juno saying "ah FUCKITTY fuck" and "WHOA dream big!" (um, duh)

5 favourite moments in almost famous:

1. elaine miller's (frances mcdormand) reprimanding monologue to russell hammond (billy crudup) over the telephone.

2. close-up of anita miller (zooey deschanel) telling william miller (patrick fugit), "one day...you'll be cool."

3. jeff bebe (jason lee) speaking at length about his theories regarding the dynamics between brain and instincts to william on the tour bus. (extended scene from director's cut)

4. penny lane (kate hudson) dancing amid the debris on the concert hall floor to cat stevens's "the wind."

5. "i miss you, and i love you." -- elaine miller on the phone with william (very emotive moment)

ahh movies. please feel free to share your thoughts and moments as well!

and

2008-01-17T18:42:00.001-05:00

i'm having trouble finishing things lately: emails, blog posts, blog comments, conversations, letters, etc. etc. etc.

this won't be finished but i'm just going to hit 'publish post' anyway

you can write but you can't edit. edit. edit. edit. unless you hit the 'edit' button.

2008-01-15T12:37:00.001-05:00

any guesses for the title reference? onto more pressing matters, then...

i've found that i've developed a habit of leaving the milk out after i'm done using it (usually for the coffee). i never used to do this. my mother has always strictly reinforced proper kitchen protocol (always putting things back in their spot, closing the fridge door, emptying meal and drink remains before depositing something in the sink, etc. etc.), but i guess a few years of the relaxed and obscenely unsupervised life of an undergrad has rendered me rather lax on such things. it's really kind of bad, too, as sometimes the milk will get left out all day--say, if i'd been coffeeing just before departing for a workday or a morning (or afternoon, as is more often the case) of classes. but again (what? when was the first time...), i've reverted to loosening my deathly fear of expiration dates. adaptability! ;)

but anywho, anybody else do this or other odd things that you didn't used to do? weird how we track (or don't track) the little things that change over time. well, obviously.

also, my sneezes are getting aggressively louder, or louder and more aggressive. sometimes they frighten me. not that that's such a tall order.

Tangerine

2008-01-14T16:42:00.001-05:00

Rene and Georgette Magritte with their dog after the war.

- - - -

Edit: Mmk, that was for test driving purposes. And to continue this most unfanfared inaugural post, hi you guys! Welcome to Gong Blog II. New blog for a new year (ok, cheesy, i know, but in this case, also refreshing, and, quite,, apropos,,,,,,,,,). I've found that my first (ever!) blog had grown entirely too whiny and nauseatingly introspective for my liking; some of you of the old blogging circle might argue that such had always been the case. Whatever the verdict, I decided to start afresh and anew;skdfhablsdhfwawc yeah ok ok we GET it moving on...

...well actually, I didn't really have much more to say. I hope to produce something of substance on a semi-regular basis for your collective enjoyment, O Faithful Readership. I was well on my way to working up a proper worry storm over the impending content quality versus presentation, etc. etc. buuuut that's just silly. Ok I lied, I'd already brewed a pretty hefty dose of anxiety, but that's over and done with. Discussion is always welcome; I like that Blogger comments are now popoutable. Let me know if you would like to be linked and/or if you find a noteworthy blog that I might like and add to my links. Ew, I feel like I'm giving an orientation to a newbie at a small e-commerce firm. ...Firm? Words confuse me.

K BYE